I have decided on adding a small narrative to each piece for the blog so I am able to describe what each piece represents, maybes a title for each would be enough, who knows, right now I feel like I should explain my work to the audience.
This is the first time we met, he was new to the area and I instantly felt drawn to him, I wasn't lonely, I had friends, there was just something about him. He didn't look like everyone else, nor did he sound or act like anyone else I knew.
I wanted to capture how I felt when I met him, I instantly felt like we were meant to meet, it was a strange feeling, maybe because he was the first boy who I had feelings for and maybes because we were only teenagers.
After talking for a few weeks we became a young couple, it was adorable when I look back now, there was no doubt in either of our minds that we cared very deeply for each other even if it looked as if it were too much for the outside world.
In the piece above I wanted to show how he made me feel, how much of a comfort he was and how nothing else seemed to matter now that he was in my life.
After leaving school and going to college we moved in together, it was the perfect next step but not more perfect then when he asked me to marry him...people thought we were mad moving so quickly still. It felt right and if you've ever met 'THE ONE' as people say then you know what I am talking about.
The image is of the vows we would be making to each other and was a poignant moment in our lives, the vow 'Til Death Do Us Part'
I wanted simply in this image to convey the passion and love we had for each other and how safe he made me feel, my world was complete, I needed nothing more in my life, I had found the other half of my soul!
Being away from him was tough even if it was to visit family, but little did either of us know that the next time we would see each other it wouldn't be to say our vows, or to have our first dance or to even see each other graduate...it would be to say goodbye! He would be struck by another driver who was over the limit, I despise drunk drivers!!
I thought so much about this image and how I wanted to show an end but how does one even begin to describe the pain, the emptiness, the anger, the loss of faith and the deepest heartache you have ever felt in one image...
I chose a simple image that I feel embodies the end of a life but also the emptiness they are leaving behind.
How do you say goodbye? it's not like we are going to see each other again, not like I can ever hug him, kiss him, look into his eyes, comfort him when he's hurting nor can he comfort me in the dark times I foresee. Why can't I join him instead of having to let him go, how does anyone deal with this pain, he was far too young!
With this image I wanted to portray how badly I wasn't ready to say goodbye, how much I decided to cling on and refused to let go, I felt guilty that it was him and not me.
Refusing to let go or to even deal with grief can have a damaging effect on anyone, but I didn't know where to go and so I clung to the idea I would leave with him, I tried, the guilt overwhelming me, the deep rage burning inside me, I began to hate myself for leaving him, if only I had stayed home he would have been safe!
Most people deal with grief by seeking help, others deal with it rationally and understand life goes on, this wasn't my first loss of someone important but this felt different, it left me feeling lost and numb...I would feel like this for the next 16 years!
The image shows an emptiness in the face, unable to stop the tears from falling and how I descended into a dark place that would take me years to recover from.
I decided to keep the images in one colour scheme as I felt less like I needed to show any sort of colour theory, I wanted to keep each piece as simple as I could, I am also aware each image is rough due to the more I thought back to that part of my life the harder it became to put pencil to paper, the pain is still there and I feel this rawness shows in this body of work.
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